Kurt Gerwitz

Dad, at his Riverview Pharmacy, gets a call from Joe Tuley, a fellow funny drugist at Tower Pharmacy. “How do you get rid of crabs?” this fellow asks dad.
Dad says: “Well, that’s simple:
Get some shaving cream, a razor, lighter fluid, vasoline, match and an ice pick.
Shave a strip of pubic hair in the center. Vasoline everything you don’t want burnt. Use the lighter fluid carefullly and light the remaining pubic hair. As the crabs run to the shorn middle strip, stab them with the ice pick.”

Ending:
The man on the other line says, “Oh God, there’s got to be another way.” This is when Dad realizes that it wasn’t Joe Tuley but a serious client inquiry. He promptly hangs up.

Alternative Ending: Joe Tuley hangs up and a few days later over beers, Dad reminisces the tale with his buddy to which Joe replies: “I didn’t call you. I don’t know what you are talking about.”

While watching a Michael Jackson trial clip, including pictures of Neverland.

\”Micheal Jackson: what a wierdo, molesting those kids, making himself white, just a freak… oooh, look, an elephant… I\’d let him play with my willy for an elephant ride!\”

Maybe you had to be there, but it was one of the funniest thing I\’ve ever heard in my life.

Dad died a year ago yesterday. So let’s party it up, eh?
The best John story was that he ran outside to yell at his brother to stop throwing snowballs at the girls. What a hero!

Hello to anyone still keeping up with my blog. Heroes, you are.

I told Dadstories tonight. I miss him.
1) tales of 4400.5 WestMinster-
Dad and I lived as bachelors between Dad’s marriages to Mom and Julie. We lived on the 3rd floor of mansions built in the 1880s before income tax. The third floors were the servant’s quarters, now they are apartments.
We left the first place after less than a year. Dad wasn’t taken as amiable by the delicate males. They fussed about Dirt, our dawg, and me, who got caught throwing fruit seeds out of the window with Matt Schaedler.
We moved to the “bachelor pad.”
We caught a squirrel in the kitchen with a trap. A leaky ceiling in the living room destroyed a couch but the real stories weren’t the landlord’s fault.
One monster green towel that served as body towel, hand towel, face towel (if those are even different), mop, blanket, etc. Hitchhiker’s GTTG was right that a towel is the most useful item in the universe. We dried the dishes, our cars, the floor. The only thing we didn’t do with it was hide the dirty dishes, old newspapers and homework from Julie. No, for that we used a black sheet.
On her way over, we’d be in a hurry to clean. 7 minutes to actually clear the table and put things in their proper place ( as if they had one) versus 1 minute to float a black sheet over the discombobulated coffee table: no brainer.
I drew the line at three layers of sheets.
Imagine: A grown man and his son hanging their heads in defeat by their own sense of gross. Holding what was to be the third sheet covering their table. On the table: Newspapers, homework and rubbery-cheese-speckled dirty pizza plates…. under the first sheet. Another layer, thinner, of the same stuff under a second black, cotton bedsheet. And a plate or two, with a fork, and some newspapers hopelessly waiting for the third sheet that was not to come.

I met an extraordinary, intelligent gentlemen tonight. He gave a presentation on to the SCV. He quoted Dante, Mao Tse-Tsung, T.S. Elliot, Mark Twain on the way through the Jackson Co. Missouri history of the War Between The States. He led us on a journey through time, weaving in and out of Macrocosm and Microcosm, everything in context. His tales and connections were as intriguing as his beard and long braided hair. Like Mike Betz, everyone should have to talk with (or rather listen to) this fellow.

I’ll miss my dad and the experiences he brings me like a limb. “Live Like You Were Dying” played on the radio on the way home.

The Pope is reported to have said that he wants a smaller and more conservative church. hmmm… need I say more? I’m not jealous, Hans. I’m still running for the next Pope. Vote early, vote often, folks. “Somethings are going to change around here.”